When I was 19 I went to Bumbershoot with a girlfriend. We wandered the Seattle Center grounds searching  for something worthy of our sophisticated sensibilities. Considering that I was fresh off of a bender of Journey, and Billy Squire, I was in no mood to suffer mediocre art. We scoured the program for the least offensive show we could find, and ended up settling for George Thorogood, of the Bad To The Bone Thorogoods..............Anyhoo, as it turned out, there was a blues band playing before him that we were loathe to tap our feet to. As I was feigning interest, and smoothing out my turquoise stirrup pants, a rather attractive gentleman asked me for the time..................I married him 5 years later. Let's just get that out there. But here's the deal. The minute he walked up to me, and sized me up like a junk bond(it was 1982 remember) I knew something wasn't right. You know when so many things are going through your head, and nothing really seems to register? It was like that. I was 19, he was 27,he looked like a surfer, and had big teeth,  he didn't have a job that I could decipher, there was a blues band sleeping on the floor of his house, he drove a Porche..................So you see, so much to be wary of, Oh! Oh! there was the raging drug problem. And I mean PROBLEM. Like A&E Intervention problem. The point is, I just kept going along with the relationship even though it was clearly riddled with issues. It wasn't until I landed at Pro Robics, (the studio where I have been teaching for the past 24 years,) and surrounded myself with folks who lifted me up and allowed me to flourish as a person, did I find the self esteem to leave him, and file for divorce.
This self esteem thing, as it turns out is a continual work in progress. I left, well, we'll call him "Chip." I left Chip in 1989, my divorce was final in 1990. My divorce was final, yes, but I'm a work in progress as we all are. I've been teaching and training at Pro Robics since 1987, and although there have been ups and downs, I've always felt a sense of family there. I've never had that crappy feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me nervous about those for whom I work, or where I work. Let me say this; sometimes you don't know that something is not good or right for you until you extricate yourself from it.  Too often we push those nagging thoughts of discomfort to the back of our mind, because the money is(hmmmm,or was) good, we want to keep the peace, it's a hassle to change, or we're just lazy and it's "not that bad."
I recently left a job where I have been walking on pins and needles for 3 years. It's curious how over the course of time my foot got callused and those pins and needles didn't hurt quite as bad. Sure once and a while one would really stick me, but for the most part I toughened up. I learned to wear thicker soles, and steel myself for impact. They say that when one's anxiety is heightened, the body does an amazing job to self protect. And many times, it's not until one is out of the battle that one realizes how stressful it was. The anxiety is still there but the threat no longer exists.
If you feel a little pit, a little voice, a tiny prick on the foot, maybe it's time to step away. Give it a minute, if the anxiety and stress melts away in a matter of days, maybe it's best to call it quits.
I know it was for me...............
Peace.